Averting the 5th Blight
by Ryker Davis
Summary: The hero of Ferelden had a simple origin. Long before gaining the love of a nation she gained the admiration of her group. Balancing the skills of hated magic, diplomacy and arse kicking she gathers the army that will save the land she calls home. Along the way she might even find a little joy in her humble mission.
1. From Harrowing to full Mage

"Get up," a voice said low and gruff. The command followed by a forceful shake. If the nighttime visit disturbed my bunkmates, they didn't say anything, pretending to sleep through it. The hands are back again with a second jarring jostle.

I hurriedly sat up and allowed my legs to dangle over the side of the bed. "I'm up."

"Get dressed."

I was grateful I hadn't striped down to my small clothes with the way the Templar was glaring at me. Getting out of the second bunk under the glare was difficult enough. I was made even more uncomfortable by tangling myself up in the bedding. Cullen's hands were on my hips and steading me as I slid to the floor from the second bunk.

"Knight Rutherford, take your hands off the mage at this moment," the first Templar barked.

"I was just helping her down."

"Thank you," I said as my feet touched the ground. I stepped away from Cullen and started to the end of the bed where my chest was. I wasn't sure what I had done to upset the senior Templar. With my robes in my hand, I started over to the bathing alcove.

"Where are you going? I told you to get dressed. Obey me this instant or I will parade you through the Tower in only your small clothes."

I paled. I'd never undressed in front of a man before. Nor had Templars been this much of an arse to me in the past. As Irving's apprentice I had some protection. But I didn't doubt a word of his threat. As I pulled off my sleep shirt and shrugged into my robes, I was grateful for Cullen looking away. I glanced up at the other Templar as I pulled on my boots only to find him still glaring at me.

Once I was finished dressing he stepped in front of me and said, "follow me ad be quick about it."

I wasn't normally the one that would push the Templars until they were angry but I was beginning to get irritated. I looked at Cullen who'd taken up position behind me hoping he would explain. He just looked away and motioned for me to follow his companion. I huffed to show my displeasure and trudged behind, not having a choice.

I couldn't tell the exact hour without the timekeeper but the unusual quiet told me we were deep within the night. Most Templars, Chantry and Mages were asleep or at least in their rooms. A sense of preservation kept me from asking where we were going. But as we reached the stairs to the fourth floor, it was difficult to keep my curiosity bridled.

A look passed between Cullen and the arse of a Templar and he stepped aside to guard the entrance. The last I saw he was putting his helmet on a Cullen nudged me forward through the opening door. One more flight of stairs and we entered into a large windowed room.

I felt relief as I walked into the room and found Irving waiting there. My relief turned to apprehension as Knight Commander Greagoir and three more armored Templars join us. I tried to avoid looking at Irving as Greagoir began to tell me about Andrasta which of course I hear every time I am in the chantry for any reason. When he tells me my magic is a gift, I wonder how many times he had to force himself to say it before it becomes a natural as it is. He prattles on about the demons seeking to use me. And I wonder if he thinks Irving has not taught me this himself. I grow concerned thinking they are going to accuse me of blood magic. Rumors about blood mages were as common as the Chant of Light.

Wait Irving just said harrowing. That means I am about to end my apprenticeship. That was what the dinner was about last night. Go into the fade, with only my will. How do they expect me to survive? I think to myself. I ask, "What happens if I cannot defeat the demon?"

Greagoir's tone was flat and matter of fact when he told me I would become an abomination and the Templars would strike me down. Now I was beginning to understand the attitude of the Templar who woke me. He probably figured I wouldn't succeed.

I looked at the pedestal as the Knight Commander explained about lyrim. I listened intently as Irving spoke and told me the Harrowing must be kept a secret. I didn't have a lot of time to think about his words as Greagoir chastised him for offering me information. But I was slightly comforted when he said I was ready as though he believed I could do this.

I stepped forward and looked down into the basin filled with a shimmering blue liquid. The light from the torches danced across the fluid. I reached into the basin. And where I touched the liquid my hand started to glow and then a bright light blinded me for a moment.

One minute I was in that upper room with Irving and the Templars and the next moment I was surrounded by a twisted and dark landscape. I explored a little bit and found a disturbing statue with a plaque that read 'the black city' and a vase with potions. I placed the potions in my satchel at my waist, and continued to explore. Outside the clearing suddenly I was hit with a bolt of lightning. Panicked I looked around for my attacker. I was hit twice more before I found the source. I gathered my concentration and threw an arcane bolt at the Wisp. I allowed myself a small feeling of relief as the Wisp shriveled and puffed out of existence.

I continued down the obvious path and suddenly a voice telling me I was being thrown to the wolves interrupted my solitude. I looked down and it was an ordinary brown field rat. For just a minute, I allowed him to ramble on about the Templars while I gained my balance. Normally I liked mice and rats. I had one as a pet when I first came to the Tower until one of the older apprentices used it in his transformation spell. So it took me several moment to register that mice normally don't speak.

"Rats don't talk. Why are you talking?"

"You think you're really here? In that body. You only look that way because you think you do?"

I thought about that for a second. Did that mean I wasn't really in the fade? Both Irving and Greagoir said I had to travel in the fade for my harrowing. "You think you look like a rat? Or can you change your shape?"

"Like I said, in this plate, you are what you perceive yourself to be. I think I used to be like you… before.

I was slightly confuse as why a human would choose to take the shape of a rat in a place demons roamed. You would think that small furry creatures would be an easy target. "I will succeed right or wrong."

I could almost hear the pity in the voice of the talking animal as he told me other apprentices had failed just like him. He said I was in the same boat as he was. But Irving had said my will was real. I took a step back as the rat transformed into a human and said, "You can call me ….mouse."

"Why Mouse? Not your real name, I take it?"

"No, I don't remember anything from …before. You see the Templars kill you if you take too long you see. They figured you failed and they don't want something getting out. That's what they did to me, I think. I have no body to reclaim and you don't have much time before you end up the same."

"I am sorry for what happened." I said. I was aware that the Templars were vigilant to keep abominations from leaving the fade. I wasn't sure what to think of a pre-emptive killing by the Knight Commander. And I didn't think Irving would let him do that to me. I would be given a fair chance.

"Don't waste time with that kind of talk. You don't want to end up like this."

I was suddenly beginning to feel like I was being rushed so I asked, "Can you tell me how long do I have exactly?"

"I…I don't remember. It's been too long. I ran away and hid. I don't know how long."

"What am I supposed to do? The Knight Commander didn't give me any instructions."

Mouse looked out into the twisted landscape and shivered, "There is something here … something contained just for an apprentice like you. You have face the creature … a demon and resist it if you can. That's your way out, or your opponents."

Mouse continued speaking but I wasn't listening to him fully. Something was bothering me. If he had been here so long that he couldn't remember his name, then how did know what I was supposed to do? I pushed my doubts back thinking that maybe he'd helped other apprentices, he came to my aide almost as soon as I got in the Fade. "Why pit me against such a creature," I asked almost under my breath.

"What? You have to hurry. The Templars will think you failed resisting the creature."

He was rushing me again, almost as if he didn't want to give me a chance to think. I could kill the creature. But Irving's last words were about my will not about fighting. "Anything can die. But I doubt it's as simple as that."

"You'd be a fool to attack everything you see. What you face is powerful and cunning. There are others here, other spirts; they will tell you more, maybe help. If you can believe anything, you see here. I will follow, if you don't mind. My chance was long ago, but you… you may have a way out."

I was surprised when I watched him turn back into a mouse. I tried several times to engage him in conversation. I thought maybe he would like to know about the circle but when he refused to retake his human form, I stopped trying. I knew he said I needed to hurry but I was curious and started exploring my surroundings. I found several lyrim potions and healing balms. I wondered if they even worked here in the Fade. Suddenly two wisps wraiths came flying at me. I was unprepared and they hit me. The scorch marks left would require me to get new robes when I finished the test.

I was ready when the second two wisps flew toward me. I closed my eyes and gathered my will before letting lose with an arcane bolt. I continue up the path with mouse following but offering me no help as the Wisp attack. But each time I blast them my confidence increases. Soon I realized I didn't need Mouse's help anyway.

We came to a clearing with what appeared to be a Templar ablaze. But he wasn't burning just emitting the brightest light. I wondered if this was the demon, Mouse tried to warn me about. A fire blazed behind him and I thought there should be heat but there wasn't. It was then I noticed the rack of weapons and wondered how I could get one.

"This spirit may be able to offer you help. But he has never seen fit to tell me his name."

He startled me when called me a mortal. I wanted nothing more than defend myself when he called Mages cowards. But it was his next words that started me thinking. He said we should be pitted against each other to prove our mettle instead of sent unarmed against a demon.

I told him I had no choice and then asked if he knew why I was here. He told me I was being hunted but Mouse never said anything about being hunted. I asked what kind of a sprit he was. He told me his name was Valor a warrior spirit. And all he knew of the Harrowing was that a demon was summoned for a meal and it was the demon or I, only one of us would survive. Which meant I indeed had a battle in front of me. I glanced again at the weapons rack behind him and noticed they emitted the same bright light he did. I wondered if they would work against the demon hunting me and if I could have one.

When Valor told me that they would certainly work against the demon and then explained how the blades came into being by a thought or a need. Then he asked me if I wanted one. I wanted to jump up and down in joy, and when he told me, I would have to duel him my spirts plummeted. I was no duelist. That wasn't where Irving concentrated his teaching. I had a better understanding of elemental magic. But what if he was the demon I needed to defeat. Or what if there was more than one. If he told me about the other one, so I didn't realize when he challenged me. No, that was just too convoluted. But he did challenge me. "I am no warrior. I would be no match for you."

"Then what match would you be against a demon? At least I would give you an honorable death and not devour your essence like a greedy child."

If I was being hunted by a demon, I needed a staff to defend myself. And there was a staff over there. I just had to get it. And the only way to do that was duel. I thought about the Wisp and being able to destroy them and wondered if the warrior would be more difficult. "If I were to accept the duel. What are the rules?"

"We duel. If I believe you are capable of slaying the demon, I will stop the duel and give you the staff. If I find you unworthy, I will slay you. I trust those rules are easy enough to remember mortal."

"It seems you want to kill me yourself," I snapped back irritated. He would be the one to decide if I was worthy enough, which meant he probably wanted to kill me too.

His tone was angry and had he been human he probably would have attacked. Instead, he said, "How dare you accuse me! I am no demon, preying on helpless mortals to steal their essence! I am a being of honor and valor! I am a warrior."

Well no demon I thought. Not with the way, he spat the word demon at me. "I am sorry I didn't mean to provoke you. But you are challenging helpless mortals to duels."

"You are insolent … but your will is unquestionably strong. Very well, mortal. You proved to me that you possess the strength to resist this demon. Go prove your worth as you must. I am confident you will succeed."

The staff of light appeared in my hands. It had the weight of my staff and seemed to be a replica of my apprentice staff, other than the blinding light it radiated. I had never been accused of being insolent before but I grateful not being polite stopped the need for a duel. "Thank you for the weapon. I will use it well."

As we walked away from Valor I looked around for Mouse. I wanted to ask him why he didn't appeal to Valor for help. I noticed him some distance away. I was about to ask him why didn't he appear to be a strong knight like the warrior and then he didn't need to fight when we were attacked by two spirit wolves. The staff helped me focus and I was able to kill both quickly without taking too much damage with several fireballs. As the last spirit wolf faded from existence, I asked Mouse how he survived all this time.

"I missed my chance, so I became small. Unnoticeable. I hid from the bigger things and learned from the smaller things."

I was having difficulty understanding Mouse. He seemed so frighten but nothing here so far was that bad. Why would he stay small and helpless if he'd been here in the Fade for that long? He told me that our appearance was based on how we perceived ourselves. The warrior spirit was proof you could will weapons and protections into existence. "But..."

"There are places you can hide where the shadows go one forever. You stay there long enough the shadows begin to creep inside of you."

I wasn't sure if he was telling me he just gave up. I didn't believe that because if he gave up, he wouldn't be helping me. He would just let himself die. My instincts were telling me something was wrong. Mouse wasn't telling me something. I didn't say anything for a time as we continue to walk the path. He'd transformed back into his rat form and left me to my own thoughts. We were attacked by another spirit wolf, but it was defeated with a fireball and several arcane bolts.

"Mouse, why pit me against a creature like the demon that's hunting me? What is it that they hope to gain?"

I didn't expect him to transform and answer me. As I had asked him, questions before in rat form and he refused to do more than just follow. "Because they are sadistic bastards that's why. And I am not talking about the demons. Everyone must face the Harrowing because there is a small chance a mage might become possessed and become an abomination. Thrown to the mercy of a demon at your weakest. 'For the safety of all.'

I reminded him that we were taught abominations were extremely dangerous. And asked why they didn't they prepare use better. When he told me that they didn't want us better prepared because if we could resist a demon here and now at our weakest then we could resist them any time. I had to agree silently.

He told me it was dangerous to standing here in the open but countered it by saying not that hiding helps much in the fade. We started out on the path again. As we walked by it Mouse told me that this was where the demon was the last time he saw him. I explored the area and to my disappointment, there was no sign of any demon. I couldn't even find evidence of prior battles. As we walked, I felt a knot growing in the pit of my stomach something about Mouse was wrong. I couldn't ignore the nagging feelings.

The path narrowed as we walked around a hill and opened into another large clearing. Something large and grotesque was lying in the middle of it. It slightly resembled a bear if not for all the spikes and bloody bits visible poking out of his coat. Mouse warned me before we entered the clearing. He told me it was a spirit. I was both relieved and disappointed that it wasn't the one I was supposed to battle. I wanted this trip in the Fade to be complete.

Other than his monstrous appearance he didn't seem to be dangerous. In fact, he told me to be gone, and went back to sleep. I woke him again to demand what kind of spirit he was, and he told me he was a spirt of sloth. He said, "I am a creature of the Fade, unlike yourself. Mortals are ever the visitors here. You serve your function. Only mortals like yourself are truly annoying."

"Like myself." I asked. Mouse was with me and a spirit like him, yet he was ignoring Mouse. And Mouse had been a mortal like me.

"You are aware. A mortal with power and will. The sort of creatures some spirits … hunger for."

The pause sloth made after the words 'some spirits' made me uncomfortable. But I couldn't decide if it was because he was constantly yawning or trying to tell me something. I decided to try to decipher it and asked. "So, are you a demon?"

He yawned but I couldn't tell if it was out of sleepiness or boredom and said, "As you mortals might term it. But not all demons are demons. Worry about the one hunting you."

He wasn't the demon I was supposed to face so maybe he was here to help me like Valor. "What do you know about the demon hunting me. Can you help me defeat him?"

Instead of agreeing he yawns and tells me to use my weapon, I earned it. I was trying to decide if my will could coerce him when Mouse reminds both of us that Sloth's form looks powerful. And suggest Sloth can teach me to be like him.

I agree knowing that would be a valuable skill. But Sloth isn't interested in teaching. Especially not a mortal who is too attached to their form. He does tell us that Mouse would be a better student due to giving up his form long ago. I think about it for several minutes. Maybe I was being too hard on Mouse. It could be that he was just a coward and hasn't figured out how to get stronger. I ask Sloth to teach Mouse to change his shape. I am sure he will agree as he already changes shape from a man to a mouse.

I can't find the words to describe my surprise when Mouse rejects the offer because he wouldn't be able to hide any more. I ask why he would need to hide if he was powerful. I want this for him as he has helped me on my quest. I finally convince him when I suggest that with this new form, he can help me fight the demon hunting me.

He finally agrees if it is his choice to learn the skill and he is not being made to do it. And then Sloth decided to be difficult because teaching is too exhausting. At that moment I wanted to walk off and leave both even if I were to fail my harrowing. But I realized that this was probably a test of my will and I was not one to give up. So, with a little attitude and force I told Sloth to teach Mouse because he wanted to learn.

The bear only yawned at my threatening tone and counter offered. He would only teach Mouse if I could solve three riddles. I took a deep breath and exhaled my frustration. Thanks to Irving's pushing tomes after tomes on me as part of my training I was fairly good at riddles.

The questions were so simple. I didn't even have to try. It was almost if the hardest part was getting the demon to agree to do the training. He finally agreed and when he started teaching Mouse I tried to listen as intently as possible. Sloth was probably right about being too attached to my form because it didn't matter how hard I tried I didn't understand.

I smiled at Mouse's excited tone when he told me he did it and he showed me his newly learned transformation. I was happy for him. If we couldn't do anything to get him out of the Fade, he would have a powerful form and wouldn't have to hide anymore. Even Sloth telling us to leave because he was weary of my prattling didn't dampen my spirit.

As we walked away from Sloth we were attacked by four spirit wolves. I allowed Mouse to take them by himself. I wanted him to gain some confidence. Just when I thought I should throw a fireball Mouse the bear finished off the last wolf. I was slightly joking when I asked him if I should call him Bear now.

He transformed into his human form and looked at his hands and body and said, "I could do anything with this form. I don't know why I was a mouse for so long."

"Is there truly no way I could help you get out of the Fade? Are you sure they killed you?"

Mouse frowned and said, "That is what happen to the physical bodies of the apprentices who fail. They'd kill every mage if they could. All the Templars see in in magic is danger. And they don't just use the Harrowing to kill mages if you learn a little too much, they label you a blood mage and kill you on site."

I knew the Templars were hunting blood mages in the circle but that didn't sound like the Greagoir that had dinner with Irving weekly. It didn't sound like Cullen either.

"Mages like you know the power you hold is a gateway to greater things. Things they could never hope to attain."

I frowned at his tone. I understood he blamed the Templars for trapping him here but there was something else under the rant. According to him and other spirits he'd been here long enough to let go of some of that anger. Then there was all the information he kept telling me, but he said he forgot. I was back to having doubts about my companion again. And now I was worried because I gave him a skill he didn't have when I got here. Not wanting to alert him to my doubts I suggested that we go. I thought it was time to go to the clearing Mouse had seen the creature. If he wasn't there maybe I could summon him.

As Mouse amble beside me we were attacked by two more Wraiths but I was comfortable and a blast with my staff destroyed them with one shot. We came to the alcove Mouse showed me before and it had a fire monster in the middle of it. The creature says, "Finally you come to me. I will see the land of the living through your eyes. I will have you body and soul."

I wanted to laugh it sounded so melodramatic. As a matter of fact I was more concerned when Valor challenged me. Maybe it was because I had Mouse on my side and a new staff brought into will by a warrior being. "Its two against one. Do you really want to fight both of us?"

"This is amusing. Have you not told her about our arrangement Mouse?"

Mouse quickly interrupted him and said, "We don't have an arrangement. Not anymore."

For a moment I wondered what he didn't want the creature to tell me. But before I could ask the Creature said, "and after all these wonderful meals we've shared. Now suddenly Mouse wants to change the rules."

I finally understand his desire to follow me. Pretend to help me. He'd lead other apprentice to their deaths. He was going to try to feed me to the Creature too. He would find I wasn't going to be that easy. I was surprised when he transformed back in to the bear and said, "I'm not a mouse and soon I won't have to hide anymore. I don't have to bargain with you."

When the Creature said, "We shall see." Mouse attacked. I backed up out of range of both spirits allowing Mouse to take most of the damage as I targeted the threat with my winters grasp. With Mouse's constant attack and three ice blast from the staff the fire creature dissolved with a death wail.

I was almost saddened when Mouse survived. I thought he deserved to die for all the apprentices he helped to destroy. I couldn't get excited over his happiness at winning the battle. I called him out on his role in their deaths. Mouse gave me some lame excuse about how they weren't worthy, and he needed to betray them. He tried to change the subject and said, "You made me believe in you. You are a true mage. The others never had a chance. The Templars set them up to fail. I regret my part in it but you have shown me there is hope. You can be so much more than you know."

I am sick to my stomach. He has no real remorse for what he has done. For him it is a matter of siding with the most powerful being at that moment. I ask, "What is it that you think you can get from me now?"

"You defeated a demon. You completed your test. In time you will be a Master Enchanter with no equal. And maybe there is hope in that for someone as small… and forgotten as me. If you want to help."

The ill feeling continued to grow as I listened to Mouse.

"There maybe a way for me to leave here, to get a foothold outside. You just need to want to let me in?"

I looked at Mouse in confusion. And this time I really look at Mouse and think about the entire trip around the Fade. I notice something. His robes. He is wearing Senior Enchanter robes not those of an apprentice. One moment he is telling me he remembers nothing before the Fade and then he is telling me about Templars being jealous of mages. And worse of all he has whined about how small and insignificant he is, but he hasn't wanted to change it until now. "I am starting to think the other demon wasn't my test."

"Maybe the Templars are right about you. Simple killing is a warrior's job. The real dangers of the Fade are preconceptions, careless trust and pride."

I tense as he begins to shift shape again. I am ready for the coming battle. But I am surprised as he doesn't engage me. Instead he gives me a warning telling me to keep my wits about me because true test never end. I wonder for a minute before the bright light blinds me if I have impressed the demon I was sent to destroy.


	2. Jowan's Request

"Are you alright? Say something please…."

I hear a voice in the distance calling me. It sounds like it is getting closer. The voice is insistent. I want to ignore it. Dealing with that demon Mouse…. Demon! I'm startled awake as the voice is begging me to say something. Am I still in the Fade? The voice sounds like Jowan, is he part of my test too, I wonder.

"Ciara, say something please."

Still foggy with sleep I ask, "Jowan? Is this the fade?" I pry my eyes open and for a moment the brightness of the apprentice dorm room is too bright. I turned and looked at him. For just a moment I wished he would go away and let me go back to sleep. But I could hear the panic in his voice. And as my friend I instantly want to reassure him.

"Yes it's me Jowan. You're in the tower. Your safe. They carried you in early this morning. I didn't even realize you'd been gone all night. Please tell me you are alright."

My night was rough, and it looked like my morning wasn't going to be much better. I sat up and put my legs over the side of the bed and realized I was not in my bunk. "Who carried me in Jowan?"

"The Templars. You know the blond one who is constantly mooning over you."

I blushed slightly knowing exactly who Jowan was talking about, but decency demanded I deny it. Besides I didn't know what my feelings for the Templar was especially after last night. "He doesn't moon over me Jowan. He is just friendly. You know it's forbidden to be with a Templar and Cullen is all about duty. Besides he watches us more carefully because we are Irving's apprentices."

"If you say so, Ciara. Is that the reason why he sat at the foot of the bed and watched you sleep for an hour before the other Templar ordered him to leave?"

I stood up and groaned. There were times I wondered if Jowan was ever going to grow up. No strike that he had recently found love and thought everyone should be or was in the same state. "It was probably concern Jowan, nothing more. He was one of the Templars who escorted me to my Harrowing."

"I heard about apprentices who never came back from their Harrowing? Is it really that dangerous? What was it like?"

I thought for a moment. How many apprentices died because they trusted Mouse? He was a demon and shouldn't listen to a word he said, but was he right? Did Irving and Greagoir set me up to fail. How did I tell Jowan that our protectors and teachers betrayed us? But then I thought about how insistent Irving was when he told me my will was real. For now, I had to accept there was a bigger reason for keeping it secret than control. "It was aptly named Jowan. It was harrowing."

"Is that why they don't tell us what it is about? Can't you tell me more. Do you not remember? Or is it that you don't want to tell me? I know I'm not supposed to know but…"

I sighed. This was not one of Jowan's more endearing qualities. He tended to beg and the more he begged the higher pitched his voice became. Until you gave him what he wanted just to shut him up. "It was a test of my …. ability, that's all. We _are_ friends but don't ask. You know I can't tell you."

"But please. There must be more to it than that. Or else they would tell us. We're friends. Just a little hint, and I'll stop asking. I promise."

"Patience Jowan. You will go through it soon enough. And when you do, your will, will be strong enough to pass the test." He didn't know it, but I had given him a hint and after his harrowing I would remind him. In that I did just what Irving had done for me.

"And now you get to move to the nice mage quarters upstairs. I'm stuck here and I don't know when they are going to call me for my Harrowing," Jowan said crossing his arms over his chest and turning away from me.

I almost laughed at him. He was acting like a child. Next thing I would know he would be stomping his feet and declaring how unfair it was. Irving was probably waiting just a little longer for him to get his childishness under control before calling him to the Harrowing. It might be a good thing too because I don't think the demon would be impressed by a temper tantrum. "Look Jowan don't worry so much about it. They'll summon you when you are ready. It might even be any day now."

He turned to me and said, "I've been here longer than you have. Sometimes I think they don't want to test r."

I was partially right. He pulled the 'unfair' routine. He always a complainer all the way back to the beginning of our apprenticeship. My first thought was 'maybe you're not ready yet.' But what I said was, "What are you talking about? Your just being paranoid? Doesn't everyone go through the Harrowing?"

"The Tranquil never go through a Harrowing. You do the Harrowing, the rite of Tranquility… or you die. That's what happens."

I didn't know what to tell him. Even if he went through the Harrowing, he could r, in the Fade or by the Templars. Only the Rite of Tranquility offered you the assurance of safety. I did known however, that if he continued to worry about it, I would have no peace until he took the Harrowing. "They're not going to kill you, Jowan. Now stop worrying."

"I can't stop worrying. The Tranquil are like the dead but still walking. So cold they have no emotion. Apprentices can ask to be made tranquil, but the Circle also forces Tranquility on those they feel are weak. And sometimes they force it on apprentices they think might be too… dangerous as mages."

Jowan had plenty to say about the Tranquil and I could tell he'd done some research on the topic. Which meant he might be thinking about asking for it instead of following through with the Harrowing. Or maybe he was just being too impatient. I chose my next words carefully, "What does this have to do with you?"

There was a slight hesitation and Jowan said, "I shouldn't waste your time with this. I was supposed to tell you to see Irving as soon as you wake up."

I wondered if I should press him. I could tell he want or needed to talk. But I wouldn't mind putting the conversation off for a little bit. Irving's summons was the perfect excuse. I asked where the Senior Enchanter was, and Jowan told me upstairs in his study. And when I asked what he wanted Jowan shrugged and told me he didn't know, probably talk about the Harrowing. Instead of offering him the comfort he wanted I excused myself to go talk to him immediately.

I watched Jowan leave the room and started to follow. I didn't want to keep Irving waiting. I wanted to ask him about the Harrowing and Mouse. I was almost to the door when I changed my mind. I dressed last night in the near dark. I would like to be presentable walking through the Tower. My teacher could give me a few minutes to clean up. Once in the bathing alcove I tried to ignore the other apprentice sitting at the vanity. I really wasn't interested in answering questions like Jowan had on the Harrowing. I stopped washing my face when overheard two apprentices talking about me on the other side of the wall. I was surprised when one of them said Cullen was talking about me and even more surprised when I heard it was the fastest Harrowing. To me it felt as if I spent and entire day in the Fade.

When the other apprentice discounted the accuracy due to Cullen's feelings I wondered if everyone in the Circle had an opinion about the Templar and me. I needed to speak to him before this thing got out of control and Irving and Greagoir thought we broke the forbidden rules. I couldn't have Cullen punished for something he didn't do. I waited until the other apprentices had left before I stepped out of the bathing alcove. I didn't want them to think I hid around corners and spied on others.

On my way to see Irving I overheard a conversation. Rumors of an apprentice dabbling in blood magic were circulating again. I wondered which apprentice it was. He was right it was automatic death sentence. Even the demons in the Fade knew that. Mouse told me that much. When the second apprentice asked how anyone could be so stupid. I had to agree.

As I continued my path through the second floor I had to pass through the classrooms. I received several messages of congratulations and information about Wendalt who chose tranquility over his harrowing. I wondered if the subject of harrowing always brought up the subject of tranquility. Jowan had pointed out Owain when he spoke about it. I would have to talk to the mage sometime in the future. I had to hurry as I wasted more time than I should have in conversations. Irving was expecting me. I took the steps to the second floor two at a time.

The door opened to second floor and across from the entry was the Circle stockroom. Owain was standing outside like a statue. I stood there and watched for a moment and shivered when the mage barely moved. Jowan was right there was something off about him. Deciding I would talk to Owain later I continued my journey. I walked through the training areas and bumped into a mage warning me to avoid Leorah as she had been testy for a while. He was smart enough to know that women hated to be asked why they were irritated when I asked why. I thanked him for the information and continued to Irving's study.

Almost to my destination I run into the one person I actually wanted to talk to. Although I wish it had been after finding out what Irving needed. His armor was polished to a high shine and his robes were freshly pressed you would never know he'd been up all night.

"Oh, uh, hello. I uh, am glad to see your harrowing went smoothly."

I noticed his cheeks stained red and heard the stutter but chose not to comment on it. I probably was blushing as well. After all, last night I had to undress in front of him. "Hello Cullen."

"They picked me as the Templar to strike the killing blow if … if you became an abomination," Cullen blurted out. "I…it was nothing personal; I swear."

"It's alright Cullen. It wouldn't have been me anymore if I had become an abomination. I don't hold it against you," I offered the distressed Templar.

"I am just glad you're alright."

"Thank you. I am too. I also wanted to say thank you for the kindness you showed last night by looking away while I dressed. Your friend didn't offer me the same consideration."

"I, uh I didn't want you … you didn't need to be more … uncomfortable. Duran's job was to make you uncomfortable. So, you would be off balance. I…uh told him not to go that far with you."

I had figured that part out myself, but I was glad he verified it for me. Part of me wanted the answer to the next question and another part of me didn't. "Cullen, would you have really struck me down?"

"I would have felt terrible about it… But I serve the Chantry and the Maker and I will do as I am commanded."

I noticed there was no shuttering when he informed me that he would kill me if he had too. Maybe it was a good thing it was forbidden for a Mage and a Templar to have relations. "I shouldn't distract you from your duties."

"Oh … you're not distracting. I mean you are, but… well you're not. I mean you can talk to me any time, if you want. Uh, uh, yes maybe we can talk another time."

I smiled at Cullen and told him I would like that. As I walked away from the blushing Templar, I decided that in the coming weeks I was going to sit down and figure out how I felt about the man who was infatuated with me but not enough not to kill me if he thought he had too.

I walked into Irving's study to find him in the middle of an argument. It wasn't the first argument I had interrupted but it was definitely the most serious one. When Irving asked Greagoir if he was afraid of letting the mages outside of the Chantry to use their Maker given gifts I wondered if he was reading my mind.

I knew Greagoir wouldn't answer honestly but I would have paid a hundred silver pieces to see it. The argument was interrupted by a third man in the room. I studied him for a moment as he brought me to the attention of the two senior circle leaders. He was striking. His muscular frame wasn't hidden by a whole suit of armor. I studied his face and noted the dark skin framed by a neatly trimmed beard. Not the bushy overgrowth that Irving had or the not more than stubble Greagoir wore and decided I liked it. The graying of hair at the temples told me he wasn't as old as the First Enchanter or the Knight Commander but was past midlife. With his noble bearing I supposed he was an Arl from one of the Bannorms.

"You sent for me, First Enchanter." It was a neutral greeting. We had company and I didn't want to shame either of my leaders in front of a noble.

"If it isn't our newest sister in the Circle. Come child."

Now I was confused. That greeting was completely informal. Was the man a close friend of Irving and Greagoir?

Duncan stepped forward and said, "This is…"

Irving interrupted and answered the partial question. "Yes this is she."

I completely ignored Greagoir's apology and departure as I tried to figure out what the visitor would have said if he hadn't been interrupted. It was obvious Irving had spoke to him about me. Was it possible I was going to get out of the tower for a little while? Irving brought me out of my hopeful with his introduction. "This is Duncan of the Grey Wardens."

One of the stories I remember from before I came to the circle is how my eight-times great uncle stood with Garahel as a grey warden and help ended the fourth blight. I can be honest when I say, "I am pleased to meet you."

Irving continues as if I didn't speak, "You've heard about the war brewing in the south, I expect. Duncan is here recruiting mages to join the King's army in Ostagar."

I am so excited thinking that this was why Irving was talking about me to Duncan. He was going to allow me to go to Ostagar with the other mages he sent. I know already Grey Wardens only fight Darkspawn but out of politeness I ask, "Who are we fighting."

Duncan answers me as I knew he would. "The Darkspawn threat grows in the south. We need all the help we can get."

This was it. Where Irving told me, he was summoning me to go with Duncan. "What do you mean."

"The power, you mages, wield could turn the tide. Your spells are a very effective against large hordes of mindless Darkspawn. If we don't drive them back, we might see another blight."

My excitement is short lived as Irving chastises Duncan for worrying me with talk of Darkspawn and Blight. He tells us this is supposed to be a happy day for me. I try to swallow my disappointment and see it from his point of view.

Duncan on the other hand brings us back to the dark topic by reminding us that we are living in troubled times. I will never forget Irving's next words where he admonishes us by telling us that we should seize moments of levity, especially in these times.

"The Harrowing is behind you child. Your phylactery has been sent to Denerim. You are officially a mage within the Circle of Magi."

"My phylactery," I ask already knowing the answer as all mages do. But I am looking to find out what Duncan's opinion of the practice is. As Irving goes on to explain the reason for my leash I am pleased to see the look of disgust on our guest face. He makes no secret how he feels about the practice of using the blood to hunt down apostates. Irving feels he must defend the practice and I truly understand the fine line he is walking as both a Mage and First Enchanter.

"You have proven you can handle your power responsibly. I want to present you with your robes, your new staff and a ring with the Circle insignia. Wear them proudly you have earned them."

I take the items that he gives me and utter a genuine thank you. I had wanted to talk to him about Mouse but not with Duncan or Greagoir there. Confessing my frustration about the test was probably something I would want to do privately as a former student and teacher. When I asked what was next still hoping that traveling with Duncan was an option.

He disappointed me once more by stressing patience. Telling me I had been through an ordeal and wanting me to rest. I was left with no choice but to do what he suggested. I agreed with only a moment of hesitation. He told me to take the day for myself and reminded me not to discuss the harrowing with those who had not taken it. I wondered if he knew about Jowan's and my conversation a little while ago.

Before I could ask what Irving knew, Duncan suggested that he retire to his room. Irving agrees and asked me to escort him. When I agree he reminds me the guest quarters are on the floor near the library. He then excuses himself with the excuse that he needed to talk to Greagoir. I turned to Duncan and said, "I'll be pleased to escort you to your room if you want follow me."

"If it would be no trouble. I can find my own way."

Oh," I asked surprised. "Irving said they were near the library but…" I quickly closed my mouth and stopped talking. I didn't want to insult hm by telling he could not find the guest rooms.

Duncan could see my discomfort and moved forward to ease it. "I would not have to find it. I was here once before in my youth. But I would be honored if you would accompany me."

I blushed and suddenly knew exactly how Cullen felt. Maybe I would ask him later how he felt about friendship with a mage. "It would be my pleasure. If you would consider having dinner with me and telling me about your adventure in the tower."

Duncan chuckled and motioned for me to take the lead. "I would enjoy telling you the story."

When we arrived in Duncan's guest quarters, I hesitated before leaving.

Duncan said, "it's a little early for dinner. Is there something else I can do for you?"

"It looks as if one of the Tranquil made up the room for you. How many mages have joined the Kings army?"

"When the King sent out the call, the Circle sent only seven. I asked King Cailan's permission to come and seek a greater commitment"

"How many mages could you possibly need?"

"I had hoped to place a mage or two in every contingent. I can not do with just seven mages. Mages will make all the difference in the battle. The Darkspawn have their own magic and our resources must exceed theirs."

"Do you think I could join the army?"

Duncan chuckled. "I don't know. Do you?"

I sighed and turned away. "I doubt I would be allowed to go."

"I sometimes wonder at the chantry's many laws regarding magic are necessary."

I agreed with him, but I was a mage and it was self-propagation.

He went on to say, "Darkspawn are a greater threat than blood mages… even abominations. It takes decades for the world to recover from a blight. We should stop at nothing to defeat the Darkspawn. I wish the Chantry could see that."

He paused and sighed deeply, "Ah listen to me. An old man's rantings can't be very interesting. Maybe we should rethink dinner."

"I learned much from what you said. I would be disappointed if championing your ideas prevented us from sharing a meal and companionship. I would like to stay and talk more but I must see about my new quarters and find something to wear for dinner tonight."

Duncan chuckled and inclined his head in acceptance, "Don't let me keep you then. We shall talk later."

I had left Duncan with the idea of getting my new rooms, changing into my new robes and finding something to eat and talking to Irving. Not necessarily in that order. I didn't even get as far as the library before Jowan ran up to meet me. He had to be following me to find me.

"I'm glad I caught up to you. Are you done talking to Irving?"

"For now. He had company and had business to conduct with Greagoir. You know how it is with everyone pulling in different directions all needing something from him.

"I need to talk to you. Do you remember what we discussed this morning?"

Well now I knew for sure it was it wasn't concern that drove him to check on me this morning. He wanted something from me. More than likely it was to talk to Irving for him. "Can this wait?"

Jowan shook his head no violently, "No I need you to listen. But we should go somewhere else. I don't feel safe here."

Now I was beginning to worry. Jowan was acting strangely. He was whispering in the middle of the hall. "You're starting to worry me."

"I've been troubled… I'll explain but I need you to come with me."

I followed Jowan to the second-floor chapel Not a place I preferred to be. I was a libertarian. I saw the need for the Templars, I didn't like them but understood. I didn't agree that the chantry belonged in the Circle. I felt they should be separate. I followed him back to the far wall where all the candles were and stopped in my tracks as there was one of them.

"We should be safe here."

"You realize there is a priest standing right there," I say.

The woman in chantry robes frowned at me. "I'm not a priest. I am merely an initiate."

I didn't care. If you had seen one priest, you had seen them all. "I've seen you before."

Not phased at all by my tone she goes on to say, "I often attend my duties here in this chapel. Perhaps that is why I seem familiar."

Jowan knowing my opinion on the chantry and not wanting to get sucked into one of those religious debates changed the subject. "A few months ago, I told you I met a girl. This is Lily."

"Jowan, an Initiate? That is forbidden. Even more than Templars," I said dumbfounded.

Lily patted the air as if she was trying to calm the situation down. "So, you see why we wish to keep it a secret."

I almost rolled my eyes at the obviousness of her statement, but I am twenty now and it is time to be mature.

Again, Jowan intercedes fearing I might say something that will offend his lady love. "Lily was given to the Chantry. She didn't have a choice. She's not allowed to have relationships with men. If anyone finds out… we'd both be in trouble."

"You should rethink this relationship, Jowan. This is more than just a bad decision."

Jowan became terribly angry and yelled, "I won't give Lily up for anything."

"Fine. I understand, you won't give her up. You can't have brought me here to talk about love."

I wish it was the only thing I need to talk about. Remember, I said they didn't wan to give me my Harrowing. I know why. They are going to make me Tranquil. They will take everything, that I am from me. My dreams, my hopes, my fears and my love for Lily. All gone."

"What does this have to do with me."

"I need to escape. I need to destroy my phylactery. Without it they can't track me. Lily and I can't do it on our own."

Lily was calmer when she said, "Give us your word and we will tell what we intend."

I didn't want to know what they intended. Jowan was constantly breaking something, and I had to fix it or listen to him whine. Now that I was a full mage, I thought I would be done. "But can't you just explain everything to someone?"

"If we a tell anyone Lily will be punished. If you care about what happens to me, help us."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed to remain calm. "I need to think this over."

I suppose that's fair. But please give us your answer soon. Time is running out."

I left the chapel needing a few minutes to gather my thoughts. Jowan was asking me to help him escape. I didn't know whether to be furious with him or myself. All this time I had enabled him. He didn't even stop and think about what it would mean for me helping him. Nor did he think about my desire to get away for the tower. He was just his usual selfish …. "Ugh, this is all my fault. I need to talk to someone."

I went to the library I was going to see if I could find Enchanter CosTco, my entropy teacher. She often had a balanced way of looking things. And I needed an unbiased opinion right now. There at the supply table instead of the older woman I find the same bad-tempered elf I was warned about earlier. There was a temptation to move on and find the enchanter but when she looked at the storeroom door three times while I asked about CosTco. I don't know why but I had to ask.

When she told me, she was taking inventory of the stock room I knew there was something wrong. I challenged her asking why she was out here, and she finally broke down and admitted to me about the infestation. I don't know why but I volunteered to help her. Irving told once told me that by making myself useful to others I would be benefited either in the form of payment, goodwill, or both. I generally found that good advice, although it was exactly the opposite with Jowan.

She handed me the key to the large oak door, three vials of lyrium and wished me good luck. Spiders were not a large problem for me. By the third spider I was grateful I had asked to help. Killing the spiders allowed me to work off some of the frustration I had from talking to Jowan. Within an hour I had eradicated the entire infestation walking the circuit of the cavernous storeroom twice.

Coming out of the door I surprised Lenorh who asked me if I was back already. She was in a much better mood. She even offered me a favor in the future. Irving's words had a proven wisdom to them. By the time I left the library we both in a good enough mood that we were joking about keeping the creepy crawlies away. Somewhere along my second circuit of the cavern I decided I would talk to my teacher.

I passed by Cullen on my way to Irving's study. He blushed and looked away when I made eye contact. So much for talking later. Which at the moment was fine because at this moment I wanted nothing to do with either the Chantry or the Templars. Entering the room, I notice one of the Tranquil is placing a plate of food on the table. From the look of the stew, meats, and cheese it was time for the afternoon meal.

"Ciara, it's good to see you child. Have you eaten?" Irving askes from the ladder on the far side of the room.

"No actually I keep getting waylaid."

Irving stepped off the ladder and motioned for Ciara to join him at the table. "Come child, share mine."

As I walked over to his desk to get a chair, I noticed the piles of books on blood magic. I wondered if those were originally on the now empty bookshelves in the library. It makes me think of the earlier rumor that others were talking about. Sitting down I picked up a chunk of meat.

"I trust you saw Duncan to his quarters?"

"Yes. But he told me he knew where they were. Why did you make me do that?

Between bites Irving said, "I wanted you to meet Duncan. He is a most honorable man."

"We spoke a little." I wasn't going to tell him about the dinner invitation.

"I am glad you did. He must have told you about the Grey Wardens. We learn much from them. I understand one of your Amell ancestors was a Grey Warden."

I nod. I wasn't sure how Irving knew since my family technically was not Fereldan. There were five of us children and since the Chantry would not house siblings together, I was sent to Kinloch Hold.

"Now is there something else you need child."

I wanted to ask him about the Harrowing and I probably would have had Jowan not ambushed me. So I asked, "When is Jowan going through his Harrowing?"

Irving didn't look at me but said, "When he is ready."

I take a deep breath and say, "Jowan fears he is going to made tranquil. He told me as much this morning."

"And how does he know this? I suppose that young initiate he dallies with told him."

I must have shown my surprise because Irving chuckled and said, "You don't think I didn't know. I did not become First Enchanter by keeping my eyes and ears shut.

"Please, I beg you. Don't do this to Jowan."

"Greagoir says he has proof and an eye witness testimony that Jowan has been practicing blood magic. I cannot say more. Were it left to me, things might be different? But the Chantry."

I slump back in my chair. Jowan a blood mage. All the rumors were about Jowan. I don't know what to think. And yet if I think about it one forbidden act tends to lead to others. Blood magic carries a death sentence. That's the real reason he wants to leave.

"I'm sorry child. The Rite of Tranquility will happen."

"Then you know Jowan intends to escape the tower?"

Irving looked at me speculatively. "Oh? Interesting. What do you know?"

I shrugged. "I only know he plans to destroy his phylactery."

"And I suppose his lady friend is involved. Yes, she must be helping him. She would know more about the repository than he would. Do you know anything else?"

"No, I told them I needed to think about it and then decided to talk to you. I was hoping to see if you would not put him through the ritual. Then he wouldn't have to try to escape."

Irving rubbed his forehead. "I suspected Lily would tell him of the impending Rite. But I never would have expected he would have the gall to break into the repository."

I didn't like Irving's tone and asked what he planned for Jowan.

"Reporting him to Greagoir and the Templars will accomplish nothing beyond what is already planned. If the Circle must punish one of its own, then I will see the Chantry done the same curtesy. Lily will not walk free while my apprentice suffers."

I was the last one to defend the Chantry, but it didn't feel right to take Lily down, just because she fell in love with an idiot. I think about Cullen and I am suddenly glad that nothing ever happened and now wouldn't. "Lily's just trying to save the man she loves."

There was no sympathy when he said, "She is also breaking every vow she ever took."

The fact she didn't have a choice wasn't really the point because as mages we didn't have a choice either. "Will you report Lily's betrayal to Greagoir?"

"If we mention her involvement to the Chantry, they will say she was framed. She needs to be caught in the act."

"Um, but as I have railed against the Chantry you have said they protect us."

"Child, if you want to survive you must learn the rules and realize sometimes sacrifices are necessary. Jowan will become tranquil, but Lily must also face the consequences for her actions. How did you learn of their plan? Do they trust you?"

Jowan didn't so much trust me but need me. I was skilled with mana more than he was. "I guess so. Jowan told me of his intentions, but I don't know the plan."

"Then do this. Learn the plan and offer them help to carry out their scheme. With solid proof of their crime, we can act."

"But that means I have to betray them."

"Ciara, child this isn't betrayal. This is preservation of the Circle. Have you thought about what will happen if they escaped? The Chantry will say that a blood mage kidnapped and initiate. You are a mage and will automatically accused of protecting Jowan not telling the truth."

He was right. I was the only one who knew about him and Lily. The Chantry would assume the worst of us. "I will do as you ask. To save the circle and Jowan."

"I will wait outside the repository with a contingent of Templars. Let them see what mischief there initiate lead our apprentice into. Perform well and your dedication will be rewarded."

I wasn't sure what to think about Irving's comment. For him to think I would do this for a reward made me pause. Did I really want to do this? Maybe I would talk to Owain and see if being made tranquil was as bad as Jowan feared.


End file.
